The NCAA March Madness tournament is underway, which has put college basketball in the national spotlight. In the midst of the high-pressure games, television cameras have caught tense moments on the sidelines between coaches and their players and that has a created a debate about ‘tough’ coaching styles and tactics.
UConn head coach Dan Hurley coached his team to back-to-back national championships in 2023 and 2024 and has the Huskies in the Sweet 16 again this year. He is known for his animated exchanges with players and officials on the court and was asked about his intense style earlier this week. He defended his tactics and explained why he believes he has a responsibility to “instill discipline” in his players in a response that is now going on viral.
On Friday’s show, Megyn was joined by Jesse Kelly, host of I’m Right and The Jesse Kelly Show, to discuss Hurley’s remarks and why young men need to face adversity.
Hurley’s Defense
Hurley was at a pregame press conference on Thursday when he was asked by a reporter to share what he thinks “it says about culture that people see… yelling or hard coaching and somehow think that’s a problem.”
As expected, Hurley did not mince words, accusing society of getting too “soft” when it comes to raising young adults. “I think young people, the teachers and coaches that impact their lives the most are not the teachers and coaches that, like, gave them a grade they didn’t deserve,” he noted. “You remember the teachers and coaches that pushed you to your maximum… That pushed you beyond your comfort level. That got the most out of you.”
He believes that is his role on and off the basketball court. “I feel like I got a responsibility, you know. I coach 18, 19, 20 year old men,” Hurley explained. “There’s a lot that I got to instill in them. There’s a lot of discipline, there’s a lot of accountability, there’s a lot of commitment that I’ve got to instill in them to prepare them for the real world.”
“The real world is tough. It’s cruel,” he added. “You got to be equipped.”
‘Pain and Suffering’
Kelly, a retired Marine and current boy dad, said Hurley is hitting on an “uncomfortable” but important truth about raising young men, in particular. “That’s how young men learn, with pain and suffering. And people don’t like to talk about that because it does make people uncomfortable, but that’s how young men have always learned,” he noted. “If you walk into Marine Corps bootcamp, you will see a lot of pain and suffering. Pain and suffering is how young men grow up. It’s how you learn from mistakes.”
Case in point, the time his then-15-year-old son rebuffed his advice to wear a sweatshirt when it was cold outside because he thought he knew better. As it turned out, he was freezing in his t-shirt and shorts.
“I sat there for two hours while we were outside as he shivered and his teeth chattered and he was suffering, and I could have given him my sweatshirt… But instead, the entire time, I told him how warm I was,” Kelly recalled. “And you know what? Not one time since then has he forgotten to check the weather and dress appropriately because pain and suffering are how young men learn.”
He said his other son recently joined the track team at his school even “he can’t run for crap” – a trait Kelly joked is genetic. “I run a 40-yard dash in about 15 minutes. He’s the exact same way, but he’s doing it… He’s out there and he’s sweating and he’s in pain and he’s in misery,” he shared. “And it makes me so freaking proud to watch it because you can already see him standing up a little straighter because he is out there. He’s in pain and he’s suffering.”
While Kelly admitted the concept “makes people uncomfortable” because it is hard to watch someone you love struggle, he maintained that is how young men “have always and will always learn” and there are “ways to give that to your kids” that are not overly extreme or putting them in harm’s way.
Building Confidence
Kelly said that he often hears from moms who watch his show and want advice on how to build their sons’ confidence. ”In America, we’re so blessed that we can avoid a lot of pain… you can avoid a lot of danger, but you can get to the point where you really can helicopter parent your kids and keep them in a bubble,” he noted. “And then finally, you kick them out of the house at 18 and they’re just soft and gooey and getting ready to get eaten alive by, as that coach said, a very cruel world.”
While he said making sure boys know they are loved and cared for is obviously necessary, he said those things do not build confidence or equip them with the skills they will need in the future. Instead, Kelly said there is “only one thing that gives a young man confidence and that is going through hard things.”
“The harder the things you go through, the more confident you will be,” he said. “You can’t love your way into it or tell them you’re proud your way into it. You can’t read your way into it. [It requires] suffering of some kind in some way.”
And it doesn’t necessarily have to involve physical suffering. “It could be what you go through educationally or whatnot,” Kelly added. “[But] you must suffer and come out the other end, and then you will be confident.”
You can check out Megyn’s full interview with Kelly by tuning in to episode 1,283 on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. And don’t forget that you can catch The Megyn Kelly Show live on SiriusXM’s The Megyn Kelly Channel (channel 111) weekdays from 12pm to 2pm ET.