I am here with the latest installment of what now feels like a daily update on Michelle Obama’s terrible, terrible life. Boo-effing-hoo.
Struggle Session
She went on a podcast called Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett earlier this month and, once again, wants you to know how awful it is to be married with children. Here is a bit:
OBAMA: …There are just many natural reasons why marriage, infertility, trying to have kids, makes things difficult. It’s like, I try to tell couples, of course, it’s hard. Just listen to what I said, right? Like it’s probably– if you’re having some issues in your marriage, it’s not you, it’s the process of marriage. It’s just all hard.
Because guess what happens when it all works out, right? You know what you end up with? Babies. Little people with their own sense of everything. They mess you up. You love them dearly, but they’re a hassle…
What? There is something wrong with this person. Like, she is seriously depressed. She has the most negative, dark outlook on life I have ever heard from a public figure, certainly one who has been given so much.
Her window into motherhood and having a child is “they mess you up”? Maybe that is what happened to her. Maybe she was totally delightful before her two daughters came along. I don’t know. She clearly is not enjoying motherhood and enjoying being in a marriage even less.
“It’s not you, if things get hard.” “It’s all hard.” This is so backward. I have news for you: I have been married twice, and I can tell you that in my marriage to Doug, which is now in year 18, it is not hard at all. It is totally delightful, if you marry the right person. And by the way, I get along with my ex-husband, and he is happily remarried now too.
If you marry the right person, you don’t talk about it this way. That is not to say you never have a hard spot. But she talks about it like the whole institution is a nightmare. And then you have the babies and they mess you up?! I mean, this woman needs an intervention. She needs our help.
No Teasing Allowed
And that is not all. Michelle Obama cannot make fun of herself. This has been obvious for years. She is incapable of laughing at her own expense, which is an absolutely dreadful quality in a person. I think it is a sign of intelligence when you can, and it is definitely a sign that you know who you are and cannot be easily moved off of that by detractors or anyone else.
She doesn’t have it. In my opinion, that is why she is so thin-skinned; that is why she hates America; that is why she is obsessed with us being a racist country. It makes perfect sense if she doesn’t believe in herself and has absolutely no self-confidence. That is why she called her book Becoming. Nobody with actual self-confidence would have to tell us how ‘becoming’ she is. It is not what you do.
So, earlier this week she was on Amy Poehler’s Good Hang podcast and shared the “deal” between her, Barack, and also her brother/her podcast co-host Craig Robinson as it relates to poking fun at each other. When Poehler asked Obama if “teasing is your love language,” Michelle said “for sure” with one large caveat:
OBAMA: Oh, my God. This is funny because both Barack and Craig will say that I don’t let them tease me. See, we have a deal, Barack and I in our marriage. And it started very early. It’s like, I can tease you, but you cannot tease me. You know? So when he does, I was like, ‘Oh, oh, oh. Wait a minute. What’s going on here?’ He’s like, ‘I’m teasing you.’ I was like, ‘Mhm, none of that.’
POEHLER: Because he likes to tease.
OBAMA: Oh, my god, yeah. But when me, Malia, and Sasha are– all of us are together, he doesn’t stand a chance. We mercilessly go after him…
I believe that. I have no doubt you do because you do it publicly whenever you can. When was the last time you said anything kind about him? It is a 99 to one ratio in your public comments. So, that is their rule: She and her daughters can tease him mercilessly, and he is not allowed to say anything unbecoming over there on the other side of the couch. Only compliments and praise are allowed.
Pro Tips
I got a little pro tip for you, Barack: It will never be enough. It doesn’t matter how much praise you heap on her. You could praise everything. You could praise these ridiculous hairstyle she is wearing. It will never be enough because she is not fill-up-able.
Look at her extraordinary life, and yet she is still pissed she had to pay for the groceries in the White House. She is pissed she had her own plane but had to pay the equivalent of a plane ticket for her daughters when she traveled with them. Everybody pays for their lives, Michelle. You are not unique in that way.
You are unique in that your husband was elected president and you were made first lady. You had nearly universal approval. We put you in a 55,000-square foot mansion and gave you a full staff of people, chauffeurs, drivers, and motorcades with armed guards everywhere you went. You lived in an 18-acre estate with a rose garden for whenever you wanted to stop and smell them, but you never did. You were too busy having a bitter party of one. That is your problem. You were too busy with your bitterness, and it is obvious to the point where you can’t even have somebody take a fun pot shot.
My next pro tip is for you, Michelle Obama: Go back into the private life you were living. Your ‘like me and relate to me’ tour is failing, as is your podcast. I think you benefited from the mystery around you, the image that was curated by you and your people. You are suffering right now from the adage ‘familiarity breeds contempt.’ I know I am feeling it. Good luck.
You can check out Megyn’s full analysis by tuning in to episode 1,073 on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. And don’t forget that you can catch The Megyn Kelly Show live on SiriusXM’s Triumph (channel 111) weekdays from 12pm to 2pm ET.