The Met Gala is dead. Once the pinnacle of high fashion, culture, and A-list celebrity, the gala now looks more like a sad sack, D-list, past-its-prime, wannabe version of its old self. It is closer to today’s nerd prom White House Correspondents’ Dinner than the center of the celebrity universe it used to be.
The Theme
This year’s theme was “Superfine: Tailoring Black Style” and an homage to “black dandyism.” What’s that, you ask? No one has any idea. Prepare yourself, however, for a deep dive into leftist academic gobbledygook nonsensical talk, which is probably how it got chosen as the Met Gala theme – that and their desire to pander to black people.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art says black dandyism came from “the intersection of African and European style traditions.” What does that mean? I have no idea, but it seems to be based on a 2009 book written by a woman named Monica L. Miller’s entitled Slaves to Fashion: Black Dandyism and the Styling of Black Diasporic Identity.
So far we have “dandyism,” “intersection,” and “diasporic identity,” so we are batting 1.000 on the scale of leftist code language that will make liberals sound smarter and feel superior.
Miller’s book provides as follows: “The black dandies style is, from the beginning, always simultaneously personal, cultural, representative of the race, and about representation, even as it evaluates norms of radicalization, class privileges, gender assignments, and the rules of sexuality in ways similar to that of his European dandy brothers.”
All clear now? No, no one is. The whole point is to lose you and sound smarter than you by saying words that are totally empty and meaningless. For those still lost and looking for meaning, ‘Dandyism’ is, per The New York Times, “a style of elevated dress once imposed upon enslaved people, remade by black aesthetes into a tool of social mobility and self definition.”
What is an ‘aesthete,’ you ask? Why, it is a person who has or pretends to have a special appreciation of art and beauty, like that woman who wrote the book, and the people at the Met, and the people who write for The New York Times, who must be really familiar with the term ‘aesthete’ because it sounds like them.
Does anyone understand any of this any better? No, and you are not meant to. You have to go to Harvard to understand what these people are saying, how they speak, and how they could talk. It is all just a dressed up way of saying, ‘We are pandering to black people because we love black people, and that makes us good people.’
The Fashion
So, what did we see last night? Well, it was basically Black Lives Matter at the Met. It was a parade of black Americans, leftists, in their “dandy” style, which, near as I can figure, appears to mean over-the-top black and white with weird shapes and vaginas showing (that is also apparently part of dandyism) cramming into the Met where the invitation-only tickets went for $75,000 a plate. And that is only for the losers willing to actually pay to rub elbows with stars like Lisa.
Who is Lisa? Yes, I wanted to know too. She is the girl from White Lotus who was dating the security guard. Remember? And how did Lisa interpret “superfine dandyism”? Apparently, it meant putting Rosa Parks on her vagina. Yes, this was the height of culture and haute couture: Civil rights icon Rosa Parks reduced to a vagina cover. Look at this:
Is that part of the diaspora? I’m asking Anna Wintour for a friend.
Maybe somebody we know a little better – a legitimate star – could help us out. Let’s move on to Halle Berry. She is one of the world’s most beautiful women, right? Perhaps she nailed it. Here was her outfit:
What you are seeing there is a dress with alternating sheer and black-sequined stripes. Oh, and her vagina. Apparently she thought “the diaspora” meant the labia, which she all but showed. You’ve heard of side boob. Well, this was side pube and it wasn’t pretty.
Speaking of not pretty, what the hell happened to Vera Wang? She looked like something you would find inside of a public washer-dryer set after a college frat boy did his laundry. This is fashion’s ‘it’ designer:
Look, she is aging and obviously not doing anything to fight it. That is fine. But if you are going to put on a black tie outfit and show up for fashion’s biggest night, you might consider a little under eye concealer, along with some mascara, a little blush, and maybe a cameraman who was farther away.
And while we are being mean, what were you thinking, Pamela Anderson? I know she is leaning into the ‘I’m no longer a sex kitten’ – and I respect that. But she has leaned in so far she imploded into a large ball of makeup-less sparkles.
She is not even recognizable with the weird bob and the little page boy bangs that are halfway down her forehead. The dress was not flattering at all. It covered every inch of her. I’m sorry, she can do better. Pamela Anderson in jeans and a t-shirt is better than that.
Colin Kaepernick was there because, again, it was BLM on a red carpet. Someone named André 3000 showed up with a piano on his back, which really did prove that this is just a costume party and has nothing to do with fashion. Honestly, that is fine by me. I love costumes, but the advertising is all wrong. I thought it was supposed to be fashion’s biggest night, haute couture.
It is a piano on his back. That is his fashion statement.
Whoopi Goldberg never misses the chance to dress like a man on The View, on the red carpet, at the Met Gala, and you could be forgiven for mistaking her for one last night. Madonna, too, looked manly. She went in all white.
Does dandyism mean cross-dressing? Do these stars think that they are being provocative by wearing tuxedos? Some were black, some were white, some were black and white.
Speaking of black and white, let’s talk about Kamala Harris. She reminded me of a black and white cookie with her weird little dress that – much like the Pamela Anderson dress – made her look like three times her size. She looked enormous.
I don’t know what woman decides to add another one quarter to her size with her dress choice. This is very odd to me. Doug Emhoff was there in a regular tux, which, given the other options we saw last night, was fine.
In general, wearing black and white is boring, as were most of the looks. One of the only women who dazzled at all was Diana Ross. She did wow everyone in an 18-foot train:
Apparently people were pissed because they had to get off the stairs so she could enter. But you know what? Stardom has its privileges, so I kind of support this. She looked awesome, and it is great to see some of our old Motown royalty still around and asserting their proper place in the pecking order.
The Real Problem
Look, the real problem with last night’s Met Gala – I mean, there were many – is too much privilege in the hands of too few people who we cannot stand. To be fair, the stars don’t have to pay $75,000 a ticket. That is just the loser wannabe star-f-ckers who lay out that money so they can sit next to Lisa.
This thing is so over-the-top with its privilege, its wealth, and its totally out-of-touch people who are rubbing elbows with one another, it brings a little vomit to one’s mouth. We watch it to hate watch it, and this year they added in the extra element of the total pander.
We are done with that, Anna. I guess you didn’t get the notice. Or maybe she did and this is just Anna Wintour – one of America’s richest, meanest bitches – trying to declare herself as part of the resistance. The biggest bully in America, with more money and access to power than virtually any other American, is going to be the new resistance because Donald Trump and the majority that elected him have said, ‘We are done dividing ourselves by race. We are done leaning into things like the black diaspora.’ Fashion is fashion.
But she has got to do it because she has got to remind you that she is a better person than you are. And that, of course, means she is not and her behavior proves she is not because only people who are not need to run around trying to prove and lecture the rest of us on how good they are.
So, Anna Wintour is done, our days of pandering are done, and so, very clearly, are the days of the Met Gala.
You can check out Megyn’s full analysis by tuning in to episode 1,065 on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. And don’t forget that you can catch The Megyn Kelly Show live on SiriusXM’s Triumph (channel 111) weekdays from 12pm to 2pm ET.